Emotional Health

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Carol_Talbot

Change Your Language, Change Your Universe

Posted 01 Apr 2019

Emotional Health

Carol Talbot

Change Your Language, Change Your Universe

Perhaps you are driving to the office or taking the dog for a walk and out of the blue, a new thought comes into your mind. Whether it’s what to have for dinner, where to go on holiday or a long lost friend, where do your thoughts come from?

Every single second of the day it’s estimated that you receive two million bits of information streaming in to your nervous system through your eyes and ears and through the senses of touch, smell and taste. Your senses take in whatever you experience that you think is outside of you. Your thoughts are directed by what you sense and feel and the energy that gives rise to a certain thought can come from a multitude of different sources including society and the environment around you, advertising, the state of the economy, politics, religion and of course, the latest news stories in the media.  And the media thrives on negativity! This is what you are feeding your mind.

Even worse, if you’re bothered and upset by what you’ve seen, heard or experienced, then chances are you are going to be running the same thought pattern over and over again.

It’s time to STOP… and consider what you are watching, hearing and reading on a regular basis. 

Are you addicted to a particular TV soap or series? Do you watch a particular movie genre?  It’s surprising how quickly the characters show up as a topic for discussion with friends and family. 

According to research, the average thought lasts between 6 – 10 seconds so if you are repeatedly feeding your mind with negative images and sounds, then you are going to be trapped in a downward spiral.

Actually, a lot of intelligent marketing and branding done today depends on understanding how to influence thoughts through conditioned response. How does conditioned response work? Well, if you use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning, the alarm is the trigger and the conditioned response is to get up… or hit the snooze button! If you see a red traffic light, the red light is the trigger and the conditioned response is to stop. When it comes to marketing and advertising, whether it be the big banks, pharmaceutical companies, financial institutions or the government-we are being bombarded with the same messages repeatedly from these organizations and institutions creating a conditioned response in us.

The good news is that you do exert some power over your thoughts. 

Your language has a direct connection with your thoughts. The words that come out of your mouth don’t happen by accident.  They have a direct relationship with the thoughts that are going through your mind at any point in time which is dependent on what you choose to pay attention to. The thought is actually used to generate the language that comes out of your mouth.  As your actions are all primarily unconscious, it can sometimes be extremely revealing, to listen to your language and realize what thoughts you are running on a regular basis. You can then change what information you choose to pay attention to. 

Indeed, you have the ability and the power to change the language you use every day to label people, events, situations, and circumstances in your life.  As soon as the label changes, your experience and the perception of the person, the event, the situation or the circumstance also changes.

So quite simply, when you change your language, you change your thoughts and vice versa.   What you will discover is that when you change your language, you begin to change your universe.

Reach out to me via my expert page on enritsch or www.caroltalbot.me

 

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Nicola_Beer

Don't Let Narcissism Ruin Your Relationships

Posted 27 May 2018

Emotional Health

Nicola Beer

Don't Let Narcissism Ruin Your Relationships

Narcissism is a word many of us have heard but very few are familiar with. Unless of course you have  been told by a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor or well-meaning friend that the person you have described in your family or romantic relationship is a narcissist. Narcissism lies along a spectrum so symptoms and intensity can vary, however simply put, narcissism is a label generally given to self-centered manipulative individuals who can often be compulsive liars, abusive and who have an unhealthy and excessive interest in themselves. 

With regards to getting a medical diagnosis, narcissism has never been an acknowledged mental health diagnosis, however, if a person is suffering from chronic narcissism they are usually diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is viewed as a personality disorder in which there is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior.

According to the Mayo Clinic, People with NPD often have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism. If you are struggling with this, check out my e-book, 7 Secrets to Heal & Love Your Life.

However, whether a person is labeled a narcissist or someone with NPD, it is still a label; when people are labelled, it can in the long-run be detrimental to healing, especially when it comes to healing  family or romantic relationships. In many cases, labeling someone eventually results in them becoming that label.

The long-term consequence of labeling can be quite profound. Are you familiar with the classic school study by Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson whereby they told teachers at an Elementary School that some of their students had scored in the top 20% of a test that was designed to identify academic bloomers?  In reality though, the students were no different than their peers and were randomly selected. Despite this, one year later when Rosenthal and Jacobson returned to the school and administered the same test, the children who were labeled as academic bloomers outperformed all their peers producing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Here are the most common 5 traits of narcissism in relationships:

(1) They Don’t Really Listen
(2) They Are Self-Absorbed
(3) My Way Or The Highway
(4) They Take Things The Wrong Way
(5)  They Believe They Are Always Right

If taken to the extreme, there can be abuse. So what can you do? You should follow relationship advice found online or from friends and talk to them about their problem. No one ever saved a marriage and stopped divorce that way. Same with family relationships.

The answer that has helped me to save countless marriages from ending in divorce and help individuals with family members with narcissistic traits, is to turn your attention to you. Yes you, you deserve your attention and love. If you are finding the relationship difficult, if you are drained and constantly walking on egg-shells, it is you that needs love. You and your needs are important too. The only way we can truly shift relationships and how we feel in them and about ourselves is through working on ourselves. It’s about loving yourself, protecting yourself through setting healthy boundaries, knowing when to walk away or love from a distance. It’s also about not giving into their demands all of the time for a quieter life. Standing up for yourself is not always easy, however to turn unhealthy relationships it may be necessary and you need strength to do that.

I know what it is like to be in a challenging relationship with someone who makes life all about them and has to be right, it can suck the life right out of you. When I began to take the steps to look after myself and my needs, to rediscover who I was and re-design my life accordingly everything shifted. For the past 8 years I have supported others to do the same. If this speaks to you and you are ready to explore healing your past and relationships then get my free e-book 7 Secrets to Heal & Love Your Life.

I’d love to hear your views in the comments below!

Do you agree that self-love and inner strength are key to handle a person with narcissist traits? 

For further information or help, visit my page Nicola Beer and send me a request for advice. 

 

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Dr Ottilia Brown

The Power of Self Reflection

Posted 20 May 2018

Emotional Health

Dr. Ottilia Brown

The Power of Self Reflection

In my blog posts in March and April I highlighted the importance of plugging into you and identifying certain aspects of who you are with reference to uncovering values, strengths and passions. I was suggesting that you start engaging in the powerful process of self-reflection. I want to expand on this process in this month’s blog as it really is the foundation for developing self-awareness and for influencing significant change in the self, and in the way the self relates to others and the world.

I want to issue a cautionary note at this point; as I am often asked, ‘Is self-reflection really a good thing? Doesn’t it mean that you are thinking too much about the negative?’ Self-reflection and rumination are two very different things. Self-reflection is a healthy process of self-examination and exploration that results in having a deeper understanding of the self and of how you operate in the world. It is a purposeful process that is focused on learning and growing and evolving. It helps you to assess whether your expectations of self and other and your actual experiences are aligned. It develops the capacity for self-awareness and puts you in touch with your strengths and deficits. This understanding of self and self in relation to other helps you to make very important choices about how you want to respond to your own emotions and to others’ emotions and actions.

Rumination, on the other hand, is a negative process of chewing on that which is going wrong in a circular fashion without achieving any solution that allows you to change what you are discovering about the self. This circular thinking develops the critical inner voice and focuses almost exclusively on problems which results in you feeling stuck. Rumination can negatively affect your mood and can result in feelings of depression.

How do you know when you are engaging in rumination?

  • The content of your thinking is overwhelmingly negative. You may be engaging in ‘what if’ thinking, catastrophising, overgeneralising and several other negative thinking patterns. 
  • You are cycling between problems or potential problems and consequences without generating workable solutions.
  • You notice that you experience stress and your mood is negatively affected when you engage in this circular thinking.

Unfortunately, rumination comes very naturally to human beings which means we must be more aware of our thinking and actively develop the self-reflective muscle. Developing this muscle can be achieved in several ways:

  • Make time to self-reflect. Schedule time with you amidst all the commitments to others. It is highly recommended that you put this in your diary especially if you are aware that you often put yourself on the back burner.
  • Start journaling. Journaling is a useful tool that enables you to keep track of lessons learned. It becomes a handy life reference and a place where you can just be you without any concern of judgment from others. If you are experiencing a particularly busy time and you know that your journaling may be compromised, send yourself voice notes of significant thoughts, feelings and events that you want to focus on in your scheduled journaling time.
  • Tell yourself the truth. This might seem like an obvious point to make however, we often engage in thinking patterns that keep us trapped and discourage self-responsibility. Watch out for these thoughts and highlight them in your journaling process. Ensure that you always reflect on your own role in the challenges you may be journaling or thinking about. Be careful not to engage in self-blaming behaviour as this will derail the purpose of self-reflection.
  • Approach yourself with curiosity. Curiosity encompasses the desire to learn and is known to be correlated with your level of openness to personal growth. Curiosity has been associated with motivation to learn hence could become an intrinsic catalyst for your engagement with self.
  • Ask the right questions. Stick to ‘how’ questions and minimise ‘why’ questions. The latter can unearth defensiveness and can lead to negative thinking processes and feelings. For example, ‘Why can’t I start exercising?’ may lead to feelings of frustration with self; whereas, ‘How can I start exercising?’ opens possibilities for exploring solutions to inaction.
  • Be aware of your thoughts and feelings. This awareness will help you to identify whether you are self-reflecting or self-ruminating. Engaging in negative thoughts and having the resultant unpleasant emotions are a good indicator that you are veering off the self-reflective course.
  • Practice self-compassion. Sometimes we exhibit more compassion for a stranger than we do ourselves. When we experience compassion for others, we engage in a process of noticing the person’s struggle, feeling affected by their struggle, feeling moved to help in some way, and we may even reflect on how difficult life can be for humanity. When you are struggling, engaging in this process of self-compassion allows you to recognise your own imperfections as being part of the human condition. Self-compassion will activate an experience of empathy for yourself and move you to practise goodwill towards yourself.
  • Move to solutions and action. Once you have unpacked your challenges in a self-compassionate manner, brainstorm solutions and actions that you would like to take to remedy the situation. This solution and action component distinguishes self-reflection from rumination. However, it also engenders a sense of personal control over challenges which can significantly contribute to mental health. 
  • Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment and observing our thoughts, feelings and actions in a non-judgmental way. Practising mindfulness builds the self-reflection muscle and limits negative thinking patterns that are associated with rumination. The act of being present with an attitude of curiosity and openness without judgment, allows greater opportunity for enhancing self-awareness in the moment and facilitating meaningful self-reflection.

Wishing you well as you commence or intensify your self-reflective practise! For further information or help with this, please feel free to reach out to me.

In health & happiness

Ottilia

 

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Dr Ottilia Brown

How To Bounce Forward From Adversity

Posted 13 Mar 2018

Emotional Health

Dr. Ottilia Brown

How To Bounce Forward From Adversity

Every day we interact with a world that is filled with adversity. You may ask yourself, ‘How do people keep going despite all that they are faced with?’ Life-changing events like car accidents, illnesses, wars, natural disasters… the list can be endless… happen everywhere, all the time; yet people keep going. You may even ask yourself whether, if faced with similar circumstances, you would have the ability to forge ahead. The fact of the matter is that the human spirit is tenacious; we are hardwired to survive. Some of us may engage in this survival in a constructive manner whereas others may choose unhealthy ways of mustering through.

Those that have been found to bounce back from and adapt well in the face of adversity have been said to have resilience. Other ways of describing resilience include adaptability, elasticity and toughness. Adversity can mean different things to different people; this is usually a matter of perception. However, regardless of your perception of adversity, having a healthy dose of resilience will assist you in dealing with life’s challenges. Having resilience does not mean that you will skip the negative emotions and consequences associated with adversity. Resilience does however help with dealing effectively with challenges and growing from difficulties in life. In fact, resilience can mean bouncing forward and coming out on the other side with additional skills and areas of you that have developed, and others that you may have realised need to be reduced or eliminated.

So now that you have read this far, you might be thinking, ‘Is this something I am supposed to be born with?’. Some people are born with more resilience than others, but the good news is that resilience can be cultivated and nurtured. Every person will have a unique way of building this resilience, there is no one size fits all approach. However, there are some strategies that may be useful as you embark on cultivating this quality:

1. Pay close attention to YOU!
When adversity strikes, notice your responses and your coping strategies (these can be constructive or destructive). Why not use this as an opportunity to learn more about how you deal with life’s challenges so that you can remedy unhelpful patterns and tendencies? Take careful note of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Journaling can be a helpful tool for achieving this objective.

2. Think about how you FRAME the adversity
Framing the adversity as insurmountable or catastrophic will make it more difficult for you to manage it effectively. See the adversity as an opportunity for personal growth. This does not mean denying the gravity of what you are dealing with or minimising the impact of the difficulties on your life. Realism is advocated. However, thinking catastrophically interferes significantly with the ability to view the adversity as soluble.

3. Acknowledge POSITIVE moments
When life is not going well, it is easy to get bogged down in the negative and completely ignore that which is going well. Learn to allow the negative and positive to live alongside one another. When something positive happens, acknowledge it and allow yourself to experience the good emotions associated with it. In fact, actively seek out positive experiences and if possible create opportunities for positive moments.

4. Practice the art of GRATITUDE
Practice gratitude; not only when going through challenges, but all the time. Gratitude has been proven to have powerful positive effects on mental health. This is often difficult to achieve when in the throws of life’s difficulties and may mean getting back to the very basics such as acknowledging sight or mobility or access to basic needs. The idea is to really focus on that which you are grateful for and not to merely ramble off a list of items.

5. Engage in acts of KINDNESS
Engage in acts of kindness, whether these are organised in terms of volunteering or random. Practising kindness can significantly contribute to cultivating gratitude, improving mental health and has been shown to positively influence longevity.

6. Actively cultivate a routine of HEALTHY HABITS
Pay attention to the basics like eating healthy and ensuring enough and good quality sleep as well as exercising and prioritising relaxation. Often these basic but fundamental habits that steel us against the negative consequences of stress, are the first to be neglected when faced with adversity. Avoid unhealthy habits like substance use and social isolation when adversity strikes.

7. Access positive SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Social support systems may include, but are not limited to, family members, friends, religious organisations, colleagues or mental health professionals. Look for people that are on the same wavelength regarding personal growth and who will not focus exclusively on the negatives.

8. Nurture a VIEW OF YOURSELF that mirrors confidence and capability
Develop a view of yourself as someone that can manage adversity and grow from it. If there are skills you require like communication, decision-making and problem-solving and you identify that these are lacking, remember that they can be learnt and added to your coping arsenal. View yourself as resourceful and capable of acquiring that which is needed to not only manage the adversity but to thrive.

9. Learn how to manage painful EMOTIONS
Manage your emotions appropriately. Healthy expression of emotion to prevent mental health issues is incredibly important. When faced with adversity, you are likely to experience a range of negative emotions. If this is something that you know is a challenge for you, it may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional and to learn emotional regulation skills and appropriate expression of emotion.

10. Consistently build the quality of RESILIENCE
Developing resilience should not be left for when adversity strikes. Remember to keep working on your skills even when things are going well. In this way you will have a sense of preparedness when adversity knocks on your door, knowing that despite the immense difficulties you are about to go through, you will flourish and bounce forward to development, improvement and ultimately actualisation.

Putting the above into practice can only enritsch your life!

 

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Carol_Talbot

Why Is It So Difficult to Change? The Answer Lies Within You

Posted 14 Dec 2017

Emotional Health

Carol Talbot

Why Is It So Difficult to Change? The Answer Lies Within You

Every year thousands of people across the globe attend courses and buy books on goal setting, goal getting and personal achievement. Yet they never reach their true potential or put into practice the tools and techniques that they have learnt because they simply go back to the way they’ve always done things. They then wonder why their life is not quite the way they imagined when they were younger.

While we crave the comfort and safety of that which is familiar, in this day and age, the phrase ‘business as usual’ has a new definition. ‘Business as usual’ means change and disruption.

In a recent survey of leaders the number one concern in business was cited as managing change. According to Fortune 100 companies, 84% of executives said they had at least one change initiative going on. Nearly half of them said that they had three or more changes underway with the changes being linked to growth, productivity, competition and globalization.

There is nothing more constant in our lives than chance. How many times have you tried to change and failed? Maybe it was quitting smoking, losing weight, or kicking a caffeine addiction. Why is it so difficult to change?

The answer lies within you

You have two minds; the conscious mind and the unconscious mind.  Your conscious mind is hard-wired to constantly analyse, criticize and judge everything that is going on, whether that is what your colleagues are wearing, what they are saying or doing to whether it’s criticising and analysing changes in growth, productivity, competition and globalization. It’s judgemental. Your conscious mind can be best represented by the keyboard and monitor on a computer. For example, you see a newspaper article citing a drop in oil prices and it puts the economy into a spin.

Your conscious mind is created, and like a computer monitor, nothing appears unless it’s plugged into a hard drive and programs are loaded. Think of it like a new iPad or smart device, press play and nothing happens… unless you load the programs.

Your unconscious mind operates in a different way. It can be likened to a computer hard drive (although far, far more powerful). Essentially, your unconscious mind is a recording and playback mechanism and forms the habit mind. And did I mention that it is one million times more powerful than the conscious mind? The unconscious mind is running YOU on its automatic pilot mode around 95% of the time!

Neuroscientists have shown that the conscious mind provides 5% or less of our cognitive (conscious) activity during the day.  That means that most of your decisions, actions, reactions, emotions and behaviour depend on the 95% of brain activity that is beyond your conscious awareness. Even when you think you are consciously making a decision that decision is going to be based on the existing programs stored at the unconscious level. It is the unconscious mind which shapes how you live your life.  And it’s the hard drive your organization and team are operating from that shapes your business.

So if you’ve ever found it challenging to change, now you know the reason.  Furthermore, if it’s challenging for you to change, then how challenging is it going to be to change an organization of people all running from pre-programmed hard drives?

So consider the following…do you dress like a 5-year old? Are you still riding around on a little toddler tricycle?

Probably not! You grow up into an adult; you learn and constantly evolve and develop yourself which means that you’ve out-grown certain things. If you change clothes, cars, where you live, your job, your hair style, your relationships and friends then surely it would make sense that you also need to change or update the programs stored at the unconscious level; on your hard drive.  Indeed, are your current programs supporting you and your business or are they sabotaging you and the life you would like to create for yourself.

Because with change comes opportunity. Winston Churchill said that “A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.” There is always something valuable that can be derived out of difficulty, adversity or change. You just have to look for it with an open mind. So just embrace change in your life, and have it work in your favor to help elevate you to a higher level of achievement.

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Nicola_Beer

Protecting Yourself from Your Spouses Negativity

Posted 10 Sep 2016

Emotional Health

Nicola Beer

Protecting Yourself from Your Spouses Negativity

"Nicola, my husband is chronically complaining and forever in a bad mood. He manages to find something wrong with everything and is constantly feeling hard done by and down.  I don’t know how to help him or live with him at times! I don’t want him to ruin the holidays for me and the children again. What can I do?"

It's extremely challenging to live with a negative person.  They may have depression or they may be habitually negative and cannot see how miserable they are making themselves and the toxic effect they are having on others. They may even mock you for being positive or naive when you see the good in things and others. If you have already tried talking to them, asked if they need support and have been met with more negativity this article is for you. I will share with you my 5 secrets to keeping you feeling good and your energy high.

In order to protect yourself you need to first understand that your energy and feeling good is Everything and I mean Everything:

For You When you feel good and positive, you not only attract more good things but stressful events are much easier to deal with if you feel alive and healthy.  Keeping a positive vibration is the single most important thing you can do to for yourself, your relationship and any children.

For Them Feeling good also puts you in a much better position to help your spouse. In 2003 I was a volunteer for the Samaritans an emotional distress / crisis helpline for 4 years. I quickly realized that if I was going to be successful in helping people, I couldn't take on any negative energy. I uncovered many secrets to keeping my energy clean and clear and was able to assist thousands of people in need, without being adversely affected. In fact, I felt energized and fulfilled after. The most powerful 5 secrets are listed below, they help me and hope they help you from absorbing negativity.

NOTE If you are the one who is feeling negative, my heart also goes out to you, I will cover more on this later. In my marriage counseling, I tend to help people feel better by supporting them to create a strong sense of purpose in their life and find something they are passionate about. Often if someone has dedicated their life to the marriage and children, they can lose themselves and the consequence of being lost in life is loneliness and negativity...I know I've been there. When these men and women refocus on their own needs, they find the relationship also really benefits. Get in touch if this applies to you. 

1. Don’t use negative emotions to connect

Often in order to connect with our loved ones, we match their emotions. For example, if your partner is annoyed at something, you mirror it to get on the same wave length. The problem with this we compromise our own energy every time we use negative emotions as a tool to connect. We also become less effective in helping them if we are both operating at an emotionally low level. If we are sad, depressed, stressed and frustrated it's much more difficult to listen to others and find solutions. It is possible however to offer compassion and understanding without compromising your own energy.

2. Accept its not your responsibility

If you take their mood and negative energy as your responsibility then it starts to belong to you, and your body, mind and spirit respond as if you really are responsible and must fix it. Often when we carry this weight on our shoulders and take on their stress and worry, we can feel overwhelmed and run down. Sometimes we get sick or our performance at work is affected because we are carrying their baggage with us.

No matter how much you love and care about someone, you are not responsible for their happiness. You are responsible for you and your experience of them, but not for them... if that makes sense?

So don't think by taking on your partner’s stuff as your own, you are helping them. The best help you can be to your spouse is to keep your spirits high and invite them UP to meet you. Many I work with in marriage counseling find when they release responsibility they can show up in a more responsive way and be more of service to their partner.  From a place of positivity, we brain storm actions they can take to support their partner to feel good, leaving the responsibility and choice to follow through with the other spouse. How much of what you carry doesn't even belong to you?  Really think about this.

3. Let go of judging or thinking that you know better

Problems with spouse, marriage problemsWhen we think that we know better and try to change our partner, not only does it often back fire, it also allows their energy to infiltrate ours, I see it all the time in marriage counseling. If you don’t want your spouse to affect your energy, then it is important to allow them to make their own choices and hold their own opinions. Similarly, the act of judging (even if done silently to yourself) can bring in more negativity, as by focusing on their negativism and what you perceive they are doing wrong puts you on the same low emotional vibe.

Give up trying to convince someone you know what is best for them and making judgments. Your positive energy is the most powerful tool you have to live a happy and fulfilled life, protect it!

4. Don't Give Your Power Away - Stop Reacting

Is your spouse always creating a drama? Are they trying to invoke a negative emotional response from you, in order to “get energy" or what they want from you?  Do you allow your spouse's bad mood and day to dictate your own mood and day?

If yes the moment you react you are you giving your power away. This can lead to a gain for them and the cycle to repeat itself. Which won't help you or them long-term and especially when it comes to saving your marriage. Remember no one has power over you, they only have the power that you give to them, which is controlled by your thoughts, beliefs and actions. Helping individuals to own their own power and save their marriage is an area I really love to support in, it's crucial for a balanced relationship.

One lady I worked with found the more she reacted the more her husband’s complaints increased and he argued she was just as angry and aggressive as him. So she tried not reacting and used to say to him "you're probably right" and carried on about her day. After a short amount of time, he changed his tune dramatically which benefitted her and him and she was able to save their marriage. Before reacting ask yourself is it worth it? Who will it help? This doesn’t mean that you cannot speak your truth and set boundaries in a way that supports you and the relationship.

5. Do Not Accept Blame

When negativity is directed at you, do your best to shake it off as quickly as possible. Don’t retaliate. Don’t brood. And don’t get caught in your own pity party because you’re married to them. People blame us all the time for things that are out of our control. Just because they blame you, doesn’t mean you have to take it on. If you are responsible, be responsible and rectify the situation, but don’t allow yourself to be their scape-goat. You do not even need to react to the blame – just let it pass.

For help or further information on how to to reignite or save your marriage, click on the Request Advice button on the Experts Page.

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Nicola_Beer

Determination

Posted 07 Oct 2015

Emotional Health

Nicola Beer

Determination

I will keep today's article short and sweet, as I injured my wrist ice skating and am having to type everything with one hand… which is a little tedious. The last time I went ice skating before this week was 6 years or so ago and I hurt myself then too, I couldn’t walk for a week. You may think two injuries I would stop, but strangely it makes me even more determined to get good at it. So much so, I’ve booked 10 lessons. Let’s hope by the end of it, I’ll at least be able to skate and not injure myself. This got me thinking about how important Determination is… especially when it comes to relationships, divorce and dating.

Marriage

If you are looking to rescue your relationship, you both need to be determined to do whatever is needed to save it. If you want a loving and long-lasting relationship you both must be determined to see the hard times through and change where required.

Divorce

If you’re going through or coming out of a divorce. Determination can be your greatest source of strength and comfort. I encourage those I work with to get really determined! Determined they can and will get through it, determined to keep things as peaceful and stress-free as possible, determined to stay focused, positive and true to themselves and determined to create a new life. Determination is essential when starting over. It can help overcome challenges and hurdles that arise, as if you’re determined, you will stay committed to find a way to succeed no matter what.

Dating

If you are looking to meet someone special, you also need to be determined to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Determination is important to keep you moving forward. Let’s say you have a bad experience on a date or your relationship fears come up or you’re tempted by an ex or someone you know is no good for you… If you’re not determined to find the right partner, you will either give up or settle for less than what you want. Whatever you’re longing for when it comes to relationships… I’m determined to support you and as part of the support I offer, I have recently added 7 new podcasts to my show “Divorce Talk With Nicola Beer”. Click here for Itunes.

For those in a relationship these include how to protect your relationships by not jumping to conclusions and keeping work stress out of relationships. For those going through a divorce I interviewed an inspirational woman last week: Clarissa Rayward also known as the Happy Family Lawyer. Clarissa is a Director of Brisbane Family Law Centre and is determined to help separating families stay out of the family courts and stay friends, as she believes that a divorce can be a positive end to a marriage… Over the past 11 years Clarissa has worked as a specialist family lawyer and in that time, has helped over 2,000 families through their divorce.

Let’s Get Determined

What is really important for you to experience, as we approach the last quarter of the year? What would you like your current or future relationship to be like? Do you want more passion, fun, excitement, love, respect? Write down all that you desire. What you’re determined to have, be, experience, achieve and place it somewhere you will regularly see it. Like your desk, bathroom mirror or fridge. Then start taking action towards it. Give more of what you want to receive. The more you give the more you will receive. Well that’s it for today, as it’s taken forever to type this. So I will just leave you with some inspirational determination quotes

  • A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. Colin Powell
  • Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
  • We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. Jesse Owens

Your feedback and comments would be appreciated. Please login or take 2 minutes to register for free below, and share your experiences, which may help others to solve their problems.

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What happens to race car drivers when they eat too much? They get indy-gestion. Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids provides children ages 7-10 many hours of fun and laughter. Young readers will have a blast sharing this collection of hundreds of one-liners, knock knock jokes, tongue twisters, and more with their friends and family! This brand new book will have children rolling on the floor with laughter and is sure to be a great gift idea for any child.

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