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8 Ways to Boost Your Confidence After Divorce

Posted 07 Oct 2015

Counselling

Nicola Beer

8 Ways to Boost Your Confidence After Divorce

1. Get prepared

One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation. – Arthur Ashe This is probably the most important one of all. Get prepared and empower yourself with knowledge. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t feel prepared for something. A key part of being prepared is researching and planning for different outcomes. If your considering divorce and are scared, get informed confide in people you trust and seek professional guidance before making any decisions. Similarly when you first separate there are so many unknowns the “what if” questions can be really overwhelming. Like in the above relationship, career and business examples preparing to date, for interviews or running a business is key. So speak to experts, work out solutions to different outcomes you may have to face, so you can feel confident about your future.

2. Feel Good

When you feel good about yourself, you feel more confident. So focus on whatever makes you feel good. I feel good when I eat nourishing wholesome foods, get enough sleep and drink plenty of water. I don’t feel good when I over indulge in processed or sugary foods, alcohol or shopping, for example. You probably already know the answer to the question “what can I do to feel good about myself this week?” So do it! Write a list of what you will start or stop doing and add it to your calendar. When you actually make physical time in your calendar and have a reminder come up, it is easier to make the changes you want happen. Ahmed choose to lose weight, Sue I mentioned above decided to stop scrolling facebook for hours on end. When Sue started working with me, she confessed to spending hours on facebook comparing her life with her ex’s and friends. This was making her miserable, but she found it hard to stop. So we created a new list of things she will do with that time and I now hold her accountable for it.

3. Groom Yourself

This seems like such an obvious one, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave for men, shower and makeup for women can make. Daliya had stopped bothering with makeup after her husband married a second wife, when she started again her confidence grew. Grooming may also be getting your teeth professionally cleaned and whitened.

4. Get a New Look

Whether its clothes, a haircut, new pair of glasses or sunglasses, a new look can give you a confidence boost.

5. Get Stronger

Getting physically stronger is a great way to increase your confidence. Whether you like the gym or not, there are plenty of options to get physically stronger. Kick boxing, thai boxing and other martial arts are very popular choices after a divorce and can also be an activity that your children can join you in. Martial arts and many other sports, also install discipline, respect and can help you get rid of any anger, guilt or regret you may be holding on to.

6. Think Positive

One of the things I learnt when I first started running and training for half marathons 7 years ago was to think positively and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. As you have to learn to be aware of your negativism and negative self-talk (the thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing). When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This is too hard. I don’t feel like it today. I’ll run longer tomorrow instead.” Part of running was learning to recognize this negative self-talk, and change the voice to say. “One more song or 5 minutes more.” And when this finished I would repeat it, until I had ran more than I set out to. I didn’t always have to do this but it was great training for other times in life my when negative self-talk would creep in. Especially following a break up when I used to think “why can’t I make a relationship work!” and “why does this always happen to me?” which I learnt to replace with. “it is not my fault, it takes two to make things work and someone great will come along when I am ready.” Or when first living alone I used to repeat “I’ve lived on my own before, I know can adjust and enjoy being single again.” During a divorce focusing on the positive is important. Focus on your strengths, what you’re doing well and right. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones about you, what you achieved, what you’ve done right and how strong you are and see a shift in confidence and events.

7. Get to know Yourself

Nothing can affect confidence more than feeling lost about who you are. A painful breakup and divorce can leave you questioning who you are, what’s important to you and what path you should follow. One lady who was married for 23 years said leaving her marriage was like leaving home at 18, she didnt know how to or where to start. So spend some time to get to know yourself, explore new activities, reconnect with things you used to do in your youth, and most of all, listen to your inner voice of wisdom when making decisions about your future.

8. Focus on Solutions

If you find yourself complaining, over thinking your problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence. Whenever you have a problem, ask yourself “what can I do about it and shift the focus to finding or working on the solution. I love the following from the Dalai Lama who said “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” The Art of Happiness I hope you find something useful in this today

From my heart to yours, Nicola. Your feedback and comments would be appreciated. Please login or take 2 minutes to register for free below, and share your experiences, which may help others to solve their problems.

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