Don't Let Narcissism Ruin Your Relationships

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Don't Let Narcissism Ruin Your Relationships

Posted 27 May 2018

Emotional Health

Nicola Beer

Don't Let Narcissism Ruin Your Relationships

Narcissism is a word many of us have heard but very few are familiar with. Unless of course you have  been told by a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor or well-meaning friend that the person you have described in your family or romantic relationship is a narcissist. Narcissism lies along a spectrum so symptoms and intensity can vary, however simply put, narcissism is a label generally given to self-centered manipulative individuals who can often be compulsive liars, abusive and who have an unhealthy and excessive interest in themselves. 

With regards to getting a medical diagnosis, narcissism has never been an acknowledged mental health diagnosis, however, if a person is suffering from chronic narcissism they are usually diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is viewed as a personality disorder in which there is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior.

According to the Mayo Clinic, People with NPD often have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism. If you are struggling with this, check out my e-book, 7 Secrets to Heal & Love Your Life.

However, whether a person is labeled a narcissist or someone with NPD, it is still a label; when people are labelled, it can in the long-run be detrimental to healing, especially when it comes to healing  family or romantic relationships. In many cases, labeling someone eventually results in them becoming that label.

The long-term consequence of labeling can be quite profound. Are you familiar with the classic school study by Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson whereby they told teachers at an Elementary School that some of their students had scored in the top 20% of a test that was designed to identify academic bloomers?  In reality though, the students were no different than their peers and were randomly selected. Despite this, one year later when Rosenthal and Jacobson returned to the school and administered the same test, the children who were labeled as academic bloomers outperformed all their peers producing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Here are the most common 5 traits of narcissism in relationships:

(1) They Don’t Really Listen
(2) They Are Self-Absorbed
(3) My Way Or The Highway
(4) They Take Things The Wrong Way
(5)  They Believe They Are Always Right

If taken to the extreme, there can be abuse. So what can you do? You should follow relationship advice found online or from friends and talk to them about their problem. No one ever saved a marriage and stopped divorce that way. Same with family relationships.

The answer that has helped me to save countless marriages from ending in divorce and help individuals with family members with narcissistic traits, is to turn your attention to you. Yes you, you deserve your attention and love. If you are finding the relationship difficult, if you are drained and constantly walking on egg-shells, it is you that needs love. You and your needs are important too. The only way we can truly shift relationships and how we feel in them and about ourselves is through working on ourselves. It’s about loving yourself, protecting yourself through setting healthy boundaries, knowing when to walk away or love from a distance. It’s also about not giving into their demands all of the time for a quieter life. Standing up for yourself is not always easy, however to turn unhealthy relationships it may be necessary and you need strength to do that.

I know what it is like to be in a challenging relationship with someone who makes life all about them and has to be right, it can suck the life right out of you. When I began to take the steps to look after myself and my needs, to rediscover who I was and re-design my life accordingly everything shifted. For the past 8 years I have supported others to do the same. If this speaks to you and you are ready to explore healing your past and relationships then get my free e-book 7 Secrets to Heal & Love Your Life.

I’d love to hear your views in the comments below!

Do you agree that self-love and inner strength are key to handle a person with narcissist traits? 

For further information or help, visit my page Nicola Beer and send me a request for advice. 


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6 people have commented this blog.

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Brian says:

11 months 6 days ago
Tough one for both sides. B

@Curious says:

11 months 2 weeks ago
This can sound easy to do but in actual fact, is very challenging :(

Darnell says:

11 months 3 weeks ago
Self-love and inner strength are the key to everything in life. If you can master these, everything including narcissist's in your life pails and can be very easily managed. Jus sayin'

Nicola_Beer says:

11 months 3 weeks ago
Yes I agree self-love was a game changer for me, the more I master that, the more I receive and the more I can help others.

doreenmiles01_274 says:

11 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Nicola, what happens if you know the person you are with has these qualities but you love him so much anyways and can't imagine life apart? what would you recommend to help both people try and deal with this situation please?

Nicola_Beer says:

11 months 3 weeks ago
Hello thanks for your comment. The best way is to both strengthen yourself and make sure you are loving yourself enough to not keep getting hurt or compromising your own needs. Then to have loving compassion sharing your obsversations and loving them anyway. I have written an article on this you might like to read here

Nicola_Beer says:

11 months 4 weeks ago
Yes that is a wonderful thing to do Claire, to look with compassion and what might be happening for them now or what has happened for them.

Claire says:

11 months 4 weeks ago
Interesting read. I've personally found that the people in my life that display the qualities you mention above are those that are suffering from different forms of insecurities. When I meet someone with these traits, its a giveaway as to what's really going on in their life for me...

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